Husbands Inability To Read Hurting Relationship?
I’ve been married for 7 yrs and knew early on that my husband had hadn’t finished high school but I didn’t know the extent to which he was so behind. I’ve tried more with him than anything else to help him understand but he just doesn’t have any drive. I have to fill out every form and read everything that comes in/out of our lives. We have a child in kindergarten who is starting to read and I can’t help but feel horrible that he’ll find out his dad is basically illiterate. He can read a few obvious things but spelling….forget it. He watches TV every spare minute he has and has fooled himself into thinking it’s the equivalent of reading…just without words.
I’ve taken days off from work to meet with counsellors who are willing to help him and he’ll cancel or not follow through. I don’t feel I can keep living like his. It’s like having 2 kids. His ignorance causes him to say a lot of stupid things and I try to ignore it but I just don’t know how he can be so unenthusiastic about his own life. He’s gonna work a dead end job for the rest of his life and I’ll just pick up the slack as usual. Don’t mean to whine but what to do? I’m not asking him to read for me but for himself so we all can have some quality of life.
Perhaps your husband has a learning disability that has not been diagnosed previously. I can understand how this might be frustrating for you but I think you need to be more sympathetic to his plight. It would be very intimidating to start learning all over again as an adult..not impossible, but seriously intimidating. As for your son, both you and your husband can put a positive spin on this for him….a good example that hard work and an education are very important in life. But please don’t ever allow your child to look down at his father for his lack of education. Some very successful people have never gone even all the way through elementary school! Sometimes life is more about hard work and a good work ethic than credentials. these are valuable things your husband can still teach his child without having an education. His love for his son and the attention he gives will outweigh his shortcomings if you handle it right.
You cant make him change he has to want it for himself. Dont push him so hard just talk to him about why it is so important to you. It sounds like you are embarrassed of him and you need to love him for who he is not what you want him to be. Sorry and Good Luck
WOW… First of all you need have a serious chat w/ him and make him go to counseling, if he doesn’t follow plan and doesn’t want to better himself then u need to do some serious thinking… You DO NOT want to waste your life and live unhappily!!! Best Wishes!!
Let’s try the seemingly impossible of talking to him about it. Just tell him that your marriage isn’t going to work if you just have to keep taking care of him.
I had a cousin like that .
nice guy but a real DA , and had a dead end job and no prospects for anything better due to his inability to read .
She got tired of it and left him .
Looking for a young stud who can read you bedtime stories????
My wife has a spending problem that I did everything in my power to break her from that habit. The result is her leaving me. My point is you are not going to change people they have to want to make the change for themselves.
My suggestion is to stop helping him read and write. It is more effective in getting him to want to change. He is relying on you to do his reading and writing for him so he doesn’t have to change