I Have A Question For Moms?
Hi moms,
I have a kid, she’s in kindergarten. So last week I got an email from one of the kid’s mom in the same group in kindergarten where my daughter goes. I have never met this mom before, from her letter I understand that her daughter would love to have a play date with my daughter. While reading the email, my phone rings, I answer the phone and here is this mom who sent me an email. Let’s call her Lee. So we are talking on the phone and she goes: “Hi, we have never met before but I promised my daughter she can have a friend to play with at our house tonite and she chose your daughter. We have a whole program planned – swimming, arts and crafts, and then a movie. I can pick your daughter up after school, or you can drop her off.”
So It all sounded ridiculous to me, I don’t know these people and she is offering to pick my daughter after classes (who is only 5 y/o!), so I said that I don’t feel comfortable that my daughter will be in her house without my presence there, and that nobody else can pick our daughter up from school, only me and her dad. I was trying to be nice on the phone, and said it would be great If we could get the girls together to play at the park, and meet each other in person.
What I heard from Lee after I said all that – she said she was insulted, and she couldn’t believe I didn’t trust my daughter to be at her house, and that If they were bad people I would have heard about it.
I said that I didn’t mean to hurt her feelings, but I can’t let my 5 y/o daughter to stay in the house of people who I don’t know at all.
That woman got offended and felt insulted by my rejection. What do you, moms, think about the whole situation? I just think it’s bizzare and no normal mom would accept the invitation, even though that woman said it is an American way to have play dates, and that this is very common.
Waiting for your views. Thank you.
I think that lady is crazy. There’s no way on Earth I would let my daughter go with her. I don’t trust anyone though. I would ask her over for dinner and see how things go then have a couple play dates with the child and parents before I would ever consider my child going to her house without me around.
well im no mom, but id say you were definently right…
Hm. I think you have every reason to be cautious and it’s good that you are – but personally I would have told her that I would like to come along to meet her and maybe have coffee? So that you can get to know these people without flat out saying that you’re not comfortable with your daughter going there alone. It was ridiculous for her to be insulted but I personally would have tried to handle the situation differently so that I could still meet her and go along with my daughter without actually saying I felt uneasy about it. But you were still totally justified in your feelings, I just hope that your daughter and this girl can still be friends.
I think you handled it just fine and I have never been comfortable just dropping my kids off at anyone’s house that I didn’t at least first go in and visit for a while, and never at such a young age as 5 years old. We are talking 8 years old and up and this is after the kids have known one another for several years at school and I’m familiar with the parents and have seen them at school functions etc.
I will also share with you that the very first birthday party I had for one of my children in Kindergarten I was floored/shocked that the parents just dropped their kids off and left. I didn’t have anyone’s cell phone number and barely knew the kids names etc. The attitude of some of these parents really surprised me, because I didn’t feel comfortable dropping my kids off at birthday parties in public places until the kids were older….but I think sometimes it is a cultural thing. A lof of the parents in this area have older children, and it’s the general atmosphere of the school/community for these parents to be laid-back.
I will always ONLY do what I am comfortable with regardless of the general attitude here in my community, as should you.
Uh, most play dates are like an hour at a park at first so the parents can meet one another and feel each other out. The whole spending hours at the other child’s house thing doesn’t come until later, or until the kids are a little older.