Read My Story Please!!!?
This is my explanation essay. I really need someone to proof read it and tell me if its good. And tell me what to change or add ect. Thanks. 10 pts to whoever does it best. Thanks
There is no way to tab over so you don’t have to correct that.
It all starts out when you’re about three years old watching your older brother or sister, with envy, sluggishly meander on to the big yellow bus to go to school. Crying to your mom, you plead, “why can’t I go?” Why do we all have that resentment towards them? Well I seemed have known at the time, but now I am totally obliged to ever being jealous of the fact that I couldn’t go to school. Now, twelve years or more of strenuous and stringent school work seems like not much fun; but I know that when it’s all over, there’s definitely a reward.
At last, when you reach the age of about six you are subjected to your first kindergarten class. Napping, snacking, and drawing. Those were the days! Once you progress in your schooling career you head off to first grade, second, third, and all the way up to fifth grade. During these five years you learn the basic skills of mainly math, reading, writing, and get used to the transition from home to school. By the end of fifth grade you are almost halfway done with school!
Elementary school is over and you start once again at the bottom of the totem pole. Welcome to middle school. Here you will complete a total of three years of school, and further your elementary schooling. A lot of change goes on through out middle school and you are forming yourself for high school. Friends become more important, you begin to have interests in different things, and you start to mature more. Your skills you have previously learned are developed into habits and you are ready to step up into the next level in learning and establishing better responsibilities, rituals, and in some cases social skills.
Before you are submitted to your first and freshman year of high school you are filled with anxiety, nervousness, and excitement to enter high school. High school is more open to different subjects and is a like social melting pot. Here, during the total of four years, you will discover and be introduced to many different things. You learn numerous life lessons and are flourishing into your persona like the leaves in spring. Finally, your education is coming to a conclusion, and for the most part, you’re an adult. It’s college. Now is the time to give it your all and show off and put out your full potential. If you’re at this point, you should know the career you’ve chosen and you are on the road to becoming whatever you desire. It can take anywhere from less than one year to almost a decade. College takes on a whole new step of responsibility and maturity. This may be the last road to success.
Although it takes many years and a lot of effort to get through the process of education it is well worth it. However you earn your education, just as long as you do, it could very well be one of the greatest accomplishments that you’ve ever made.
First of all, you don’t ask someone to read, review AND proof your work. Clean this stuff up before you present it for public consumption.
This is a first draft, not a finished copy. It is rife with errors that no reader should have to bother with.
You’re on the right track, but this piece needs some serious work. It is not a story, by the way; it is an essay. It should be writting in first person or from an objective viewpoint. The “you” voice doesn’t work for something like this.
Ten points to whoever does it best? You are in no position to make that kind of call.
Rewrite, revise, rewrite, rewrite, edit and then rewrite it again. That’s how finished, polished copy happens. A first draft is never, ever a final draft.