Should I Keep Writing?
Reality
As I sat in my room and scrolled though the pictures of me and my family from our Florida vacation that we had took during the summer. The week in Florida had flown by. Now back in the mist of all the chaos with the start of school, my sisters pulling their usual stunts, my mom freaking out about my youngest brother starting kindergarten, that week with no worries it was forever ago. But as I scrolled though the pictures I came across one of me and my sisters. The three of us smiling our identical smiles.
If a stranger had looked at this picture they would have said that me and my sisters are identical. Which is true we are, we are identical triplets. But yet that is only on the outside, on the inside we are different people.
Amber is the oldest. She’s the party girl. The sister who sneaks in at 2 in the morning drunk, high, or both. She was reckless and dangerous with her friends, but she knew how to walk the walk and talk the talk in front of our parents and others parents as well. She was a whole fifteen minutes older than Amethyst and seven minutes older than me.
Amethyst was the youngest. She is the popular one. The sister that is a total ***** at school but a sweetheart at home. She is a cheerleader, on all the committees and not to mention she is dating the quarterback on the football team. She might be the youngest but she also knows how to party.
Then there is me. Jade the middle triplet. I’m the innocent one. I don’t go to parties, I’ve never drank, smoked, or had sex. I pay attention in church, I’ve only dated a few boys all who my parents approved of. I was a overly safe driver, I never snuck out. I’ve never even rolled someone’s house. I was the one who while my parents hovered over my sisters and brother they barely paid attention to me cause they knew that I wouldn’t get in trouble or do something bad.
But on the outside me and my sisters are identical. I looked at the picture for a little while. Or at least until someone knocked on my bedroom door.
“Who is it?” I asked as I stuck the camera on my bedside table.
“Its Amber,” My sister said though the door, “Can I come in?”
“Sure,” As she entered I was shocked to see she was wearing jeans and a short shelve shirt- I was a little annoyed to notice that it was my shirt- and not her normal skimpy dresses or reveling shirts.
“What do you want?” I asked her as she came and sat on my bed next to me. She looked different somehow I couldn’t put my finger on it, but there was definitely something off about her. I started to study her but then she started talking.
“I wanna talk,” She said. This had to be some other Amber than the one that lived to two feet down the hall from me. Amber never wanted to talk, she was a fabulous person, but she never ever wanted to talk. If there was something wrong her advise was “Get drunk or something, go to a party.”
“What do you want to talk about?” I asked her. She gave me a look it made me kind of nervous. Because even thought I’ve lived with her my entire life, if always felt she was better than me. It was like when you walked by the popular crowd and they gave you a once over and decided you weren’t cool enough and laughed. Like she was better at this whole being sixteen thing.
“You,” She said, shocking me to an even further expectant.
“Why do you want to talk about me?” I asked her.
This is the very beging whould you keep reading?
Its a teen love story. Kinda.
And i know its shaky but its the being i just wrote it.
Well, here are the good things:
You have an interesting idea to develop in the “we are triplets, but different on the inside” theme.
You accurately describe the dynamics of social interactions and feelings of the sisters.
Using the family picture to introduce the story is creative.
But you are right. It is a little “shaky”. There are problems with grammar, sentence structure, spelling and you are using words with which you are unfamiliar.
In the first sentence, you say:
“As I sat in my room and scrolled through the pictures of me and my family from our Florida vacation that we had took during the summer.” That’s not really a sentence.
It should read something like this:
“I sat in my room and scrolled through the pictures of my family and I from our Florida vacation last summer.”
You can’t use “As” to begin the sentence the way you have written it. In this case, “As” implies a further action you have not described; as in:
“As I sat looking at pictures, my sister knocked on the door.” Two separate actions here; one is “you looking”, the other is “sister knocking”.
You can’t say “me and my family”. You have to say “my family and I”. Always put yourself last. In this case, the usage is “I”, not “me”.
You can’t say “had took”. It is a mixed tense. You have to say “had taken”.
The second sentence is good.
In the third, the word is not “mist”, it is “midst”; and there are other problems with that sentence.
It goes on like that throughout the story. About every other sentence has some problem like the ones above.
More good news. You can fix these things!
The best idea in the short term is to have a friend who is more advanced in composition help you with structure and grammar.
In the long term, you can read more. Reading will teach you how to write. You will get a feeling for how sentences go together as you read more.
You can write more. This will also help you get a feel for the language.
You should keep writing. You have good ideas and there are some people who write very well who would kill for a good idea for a story. I am one of those people.
I hope this helps. I know it is hard to hear criticism. I did not like it when people took my words apart, but like those who helped me, I mean it to be constructive.
good luck and keep writing
yes i would keep reading.
I am a growing writer myself, and I only have one thing to suggest.
It is kind of cliche, their personalities i mean. The quiet girl, the party girl, the popular girl. And spice up the vocabulary a bit, but it is a good idea so far. I do think you should continue writing.
Yeah,keep writing.It’s good.
This is good.
Keep writing.
I’m mega curious on whats gonna happen. Keep writing. There is a lot of work to be done on it, but it’s still really strong.
Hey, that’s catching! Tell us what happens next?
Well, the story is interesting, yet, you made Jade, almost sound like Mary Sue (close to be too perfect). However, I feel that if you continue the story, she will no longer be a Mary Sue as the story goes on.
Also, from what I have learned from others with my story, sometimes, having the description is best to save later during the story instead of being mentioned right away. It just ruins the story right away.
I think I would love to continue reading and I do like teen love story. Don’t stop writing and keep being creative. Here’s one advice, no one cares about swearing words in the story and it’s normal. You have the right to write down in your own imagination world. ^^